Disappointed

disappointed.jpg I’m coming off of a disappointing weekend. You know the type. When you have all sorts of plans and high hopes, but they continue to just fall through and fall through.

It was scheduled to be a big ol’ binge work weekend. I had a nice list of things that I’ve been itching to do for the last few weeks. A bunch of writing for the blog and other projects, some reading, and the drawing of the next couple scenes from Q-Burger.

Sadly, very little was accomplished. In fact, I logged more consecutive hours soaking my brain in television than I have in quite some time.

Why it failed

When one is as self-absorbed as I am, a lot of time goes into overthinking things. Which is probably why I’m able to write a bunch of process articles describing how I do every little thing in the name of productivity and creativity.

So while I sat on the couch consuming entertainment, I was also pleading with myself to get up and go do something. Most of the time, I just started the next episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm or waited out the commercial break and continued to stare at CNN’s post-debate analysis.

But every now and again, I managed to lever myself up with full intent to accomplish something, anything. And while I did manage to vomit out this week’s posts (short one planned video segment that’s once again shoved to the backburner) and get the pencil work done on episodes 19-22 of the Q, my quota was far from reached.

Why? That was the question most often asked this weekend. I have the time…why aren’t I taking advantage of it? And the answer, simple, but far from easy to hear, is:

I’m tired.

What can you do?

Why am I tired? I put voice to a few reasons last week. The reality that I’m having so much trouble swallowing is that stress due to misbehaving and expensive kitchen appliances, lack of sleep, and recovery from injuries and illness makes people tired. Makes me tired.

And while I might be able to tick off the weekend’s tasks like vacuuming, cleaning up the kitchen, and taking out trash while tired, doing something that actually requires higher brain function like writing, well, those just can’t be done as easily when tired.

So, when I took care of every low brain task, there wasn’t anything to do but slump down in front of the TV and go into recovery mode. Sometimes I need reminding of this.

And I need to be realistic: while it’s disappointing to be caught tired when given an opportunity to work, I did manage to accomplish quite a bit this weekend. As of Sunday morning, I only have three unchecked items on my list. And I at least touched everything, even if I didn’t get it all done to my satisfaction.